Being the sentimental soul I am, there are few things that make me as emotionally nostalgic and reflective as endings.
No matter what it is, I find leaving things behind a very daunting and difficult task. It’s almost as if all of these little pieces of the past form my understanding of who I am, and to let them go is to not be able to identify with myself anymore.
This can often be problematic, especially when despite being able to recognise that something no longer serves my present self, I cling on in a desperate and feeble attempt to hold onto normality.
After all, to let go of something is to welcome the presence of something new, and dealing with change has never been my forte.
But 2017 forced more to say goodbye. It taught me how to let go. It forced me to challenge one of the most defining characteristics of myself – my inability to say goodbye. And 2017 has been the year of endings and goodbyes.
Goodbye to people that no longer see my worth or serve a healthy purpose in my life. Goodbye to damaging mindsets and toxic behaviours. Goodbye to comfort zones. Goodbye to stagnation. And most of all, goodbye to fearing goodbyes.
I had avoided goodbyes for so long that I never allowed myself to explore what happens after letting go. And it was within these goodbyes that I was able to witness the spectrum of hello’s on the other side.
2017 has been a year I’ll never ever forget. A year of formative changes and lessons that will forever shape who I am and who I intend to be. Discomfort has been my wisest teacher this year, and 2017 brought me hella aches and pains. However in the absence of comfort, wisdom and growth were able to find space to harvest and manifest their introductions and hello’s.
This feels like a somber goodbye, as I unstitch the seams that had held my life together the last few years. Yet thanks to lessons that have been disguised in moments of agony, I am now able to weave a new fabric around the layers of my life – an exterior of discovery, and exploration.
I am so blessed for all of the hello’s that saved me from crippling goodbyes. I am so blessed for the new friends, connections and experiences this year has given me.
Whilst this ending feels melancholy, a bursting amount of hope, excitement, and freedom awaits in this new beginning.
As I watch the fireworks erupt above the London Eye in a few hours, I anticipate feeling an overwhelming awe beneath the colours that rise and fall above the city that I will always call home. And there is no better symbolism for embracing endings and seizing the prospect of breathtaking beginnings than that.
2017, it’s been… weird. Thanks for keeping it real.
2018, show me what you got. Ya girl is ready.