So it’s been over a week since I last posted to Instagram, and before anyone starts chatting shit about the algorithm or follower bots or anything along those lines, ima have to interrupt you. It’s not about any of that.
Does it annoy me that sometimes posts that are 6 days old have only just shown on my feed? Sure, but that’s not what is important here. Let’s shift the focus.
On my latest instagram post I described how, for me, interacting on my blog-dedicated social platforms typically seems to occur in short, sporadic bursts. For a week I’ll be posting flowers and cute pink things, tweeting #bossassbitch #girlboss like there’s no tomorrow – until one week later I’m back to using my personal accounts and retweeting stuff that actually inspires me or makes me laugh.
You see, there seems to be a solid disparity between who I really am vs who I am on my blog accounts. The two identities are incongruent with each other, and I believe that is a huge factor at play when realising why I feel so unmotivated to interact within the blogging sphere. Because who I’m putting out there isn’t really me at all.
Of course, I’m still a #basicwhitegal at heart – I love pink, Audrey Hepburn quotes are a staple in my vocabulary, spinning and twirling in a frilly dress brings me all types of joy, and you won’t enter my bedroom without seeing something floral.
But I also love my big-ass hoop earrings. I will cuss you out on your politics and beliefs if I think you have dickhead opinions. I don’t like a classy glass of wine and instead mix my vodka with squash. I overuse the word ‘biiiiiiisssh’ and Bodak Yellow is probably my anthem of 2017.
But you wouldn’t know this because the kind of photos I post don’t exactly scream ‘hey I’m actually a fun chick from South London who loves more to life than avocado on toast and kittens.’ And I want my photos to give that kind of insight. Because I’m more than the Audrey Hepburn quotes on my wall and I’m more than the floral bedsheets beneath my canopy. (Yes, I have a canopy. I told you I’m still a #basicbitch).
‘Said little bitch you can’t fuck with me, if you wanted to, these expensive, these is red bottoms, these is bloody shoes.’ – Cardi B. Most insgrammable quote of 2k17?
The problem with blogging is that it feels like these identities cannot co-exist. And the second description of me is more congruent with who I am in my day-to-day life than the ‘pink princess’ persona I try to emanate across my instagram and twitter. I’m not saying I can’t be both – because I am. But surrounding myself and my online persona in a realm of macarons and pink flowers lacks the depth I seek to illustrate.
The pretty pastel instagram life simply isn’t sustainable for me. I do not own enough Lush bath bombs or rose petals to make that version of myself the core of my blogging identity. You will never catch me spending 5 pounds on a cupcake from Peggy Porschen. It’s a beautiful cafe, don’t get me wrong. But if I didn’t buy a damn cupcake there, I sure as hell am not going to pretend I’m part of the group that does. (P.S. No judging, if I could buy a cupcake there I would, but I’m a stingy bitch).
What I’m trying to say is, even if I posted the cafe with the caption ‘this place is beautiful but I choked on my spit when I saw the prices and my purse basically coughed out dust’, that wouldn’t be sustainable. I don’t want to post things that don’t line up with my day to life anymore just for the ‘aesthetics.’
Basically, I want to take my instagram (and probably my Twitter too) in a new direction. I want to explore what inspires and motivates me, and whilst I still want to post things that are pretty and pink from time to time, I don’t want that to be what defines me. Because whilst I love those things, they are not relevant enough in my life for my entire identity to be founded around them. It’s simply a façade.
Whilst I adore bloggers feeds that can pull it off, I think it’s time to acknowledge that I’d be lying to myself if I tried to do the same. I don’t have a life that correlates with this image – and that’s fine! I can still appreciate a good ol’ Peggy Porschen cupcake shot, without trying to take one myself if that’s not where I’d truthfully be spending an afternoon eating.
I don’t want to pretend I have my shit together anymore. Hell, it’s not even midday and I’ve already scoffed 2 giant cookies and a pack of custard creams (can I get a holla from my fellow stress eaters?!)
I’m ready to end my blogger façade and shed my old skin. It’s about time I explore who I truly am as a blogger: the kind of content I am passionate about producing, and focus on creating an instagram where I don’t have to caption everything with ‘this was expensive lol but it was pretty so here you go x.’ It’s about time I dig deeper than superficial aesthetics and allow myself to be really inspried.
Do you think your blogging identity and instagram content aligns with who you truly are as a person? Leave a comment!